i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
