If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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