No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
