Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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