sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
