someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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