I have demons in me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
