Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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