Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
