I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
