To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
