I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
