Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
