so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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