Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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