so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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