Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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