it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
