I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
