its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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