we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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