i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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