yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
