it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
