It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize