taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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