I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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