Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
