Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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