Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
