If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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