...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
