I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
