Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
