hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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