He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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