dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
