I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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