i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm having to shit out rocks
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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