haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
