I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize