I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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