Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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