Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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