Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
