Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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