Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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