I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
pray to the hookup gods
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
