In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
