God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
