His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
