I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
