please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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