so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
