Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
