god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
