Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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