There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
