problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
