Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
