Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
