True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
