It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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