the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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