i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
