I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
