Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
