hotel room ftw
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
