3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
