Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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