I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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