i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
