i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
