I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
