I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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