I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
