just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So vagazzling was a success
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
