i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
