No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
