i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
