there was a trapeze. enough said
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
