You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
