i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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