thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
