I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
