Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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