Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
