so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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