I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
