theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize