So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
