I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
