Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
