He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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